FM104's 10 to 3 Show with Andy Preston: January 2008

Wanna Be On TV? Check This Out!

New Series for Irish TV!
Are you and your mates heading to America on this years J1 visa? Are you adventurous, open-minded, sensitive, dedicated, cheeky, uninhibited, impulsive, outgoing, creative, loud or all of the above. Do you want to star in your very own TV series?

If so, then Motive TV want to hear from you. The producers of the RTE’s, No Place Like Home, are casting for a brand new series and are looking for people who want to star in this ultimate reality drama.

Please bebo http://bebo.com/JamieD550 or email info@motive.ie There is no commitment at this stage and all emails will be held in confidence.

New Company Rules!

We recently got our company handbooks at FM104. It's like reading a bus timetable compared to this! Sadly, I'm sure there are some companies that go by these rules.....

TO ALL EMPLOYEES - EFFECTIVE JANUARY 2008 DRESS CODE

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise. 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay rise. 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay rise.

SICK DAYS 1.We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

HOLIDAY DAYS Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

COMPASSIONATE LEAVE This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

TOILET USE 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles. 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken. 3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

SMOKE BREAKS 1. Smoke breaks are taken at your own risk and time. 2. Smoking KILLS and your company cannot be held responsible while smoking in company time. 3. When ever a smoke break is taken this is classed as unpaid time or leave as the company can and will not be part of the cause of your death or associated with it in any way.

LUNCH BREAKS 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch toget a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Mexico City Starts "Ladies Only" Buses...

Acting on complaints from women's groups, Mexico City has rolled out "ladies only" buses, complete with pink signs in the windshields to wave off the men. Passengers on one of the female-only buses now spend most of their trip down the capital's tree-lined Reforma Avenue chatting or putting on makeup, instead of fighting off unwanted male attention. The director of the city's public bus system said women were asking for the gender-specific service because of sexual harassment, especially groping and leering....

Excuse me, but I find the comment that the women just chat and put on makeup to be deeply insensitive and sexist!

Happy Friday From FM104's 10 - 3 Show Crew

That's the reason we're all so happy!!!:-)

Just In!

Our Claire Visits Clarke's Newsagents Lakelands.

Olwin And Colette In Maxwells Pharmacy Dalkey

Spurs Are On Their Way To Wembley!:-)

Well there's something I never thought I would get to say again! February 24th sees Tottenham Hotspur return to Wembley, our spiritual home during the glory days - days that have long since passed unfortunately. One can but hope though...

Watching the game wasn't an option last night unfortunately as herself was at home but I had updates coming through every few minutes and at one point the updates were coming every few seconds such was the drama towards the end!

If it were not for the fact that we're due our baby around the time of the final I would be over there like a shot but it would be just my luck to get a call from herself in the middle of the match saying that she has just gone into labour! I'll spend that sunday afternoon shouting at the telly and keeping every moveable part of my body crossed!

Come on you Spurs!!!

Triple Decker Guesses.

I've retrieved this post as it had gotten a bit lost in the archives....

So who do you think is the first voice?
Guessed so far.....

Ruby Wax
Kerry Katona
Janice Dickinson
Joan Rivers
Sarah Jessica Parker
Geri Halliwell
Suzi Quattro
Whoopi Goldberg
Courtney Love
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Michelle RodriguezMel B
Courtney Cox
Lisa Kudrow
Jennifer Saunders
Rosie O'Donnell
Jenny McCarthy
Liv Tyler
John Travolta (in the movie hairspray)
Macy Gray
Brigette Nielsen
Gwen Stefani
Sandra Bernhard
Bette Midler
Reese Witherspoon
Liza Minelli
Goldie Hawn
Cybil Sheppard
Barbra Streisand
Grace Jones
Oprah Winfrey
Betty Ford
Brittany Murphy
Lindsay Lohan
Queen Latifah
Tara Reid
Pauline McLynne
Shirley McLane
Kelis
Pink
Michelle Tilly
Kim Cattrall
Sarah Silverman
Roseanne Barr
Jodie Foster
Juliette Lewis
Dolly Parton
Nikki Graham
Rachel Rae
Kathleen Turner
Meryl Streep
Ellen DeGenres
Lacey Turner
Tyra Banks
Catherine Tate
Paula Abdul
Kirstie Alley
Calista Flockhart
Helena Bonham Carter
Hillary Clinton
Tara Palmer Tomkinson
Minnie Driver
Eva Longoria
Jane Fonda

Next round is worth 710 euro!

Our Much Used Digital Camera Has Been Out Working Again!

Sarah And Jane From Newaddress.ie.

Niamh And Narissa On The Doss In Dalkey.

Louise In Pacon Waste Balbriggan.

Helen In Centra Dalkey

Dominique In The Loft Cafe Grafton Street.

Aisling & Kim In Hair Therapy Dalkey.

Balbriggan Bugs.

Niall, Jonathan & Paul From Guess Where....

They Must Be Hairdressers - And They Are! Karen, Leslie-Anne & Anne In Tonsor Hair Group.

Corina & Rosaleen In McLarrens Pharmacy

Alan, Gavin & Leanne With The Ever Present Zara - Gimme A Camera!:-)

Adam In The Ice Box Balbriggan.

And I Always Thought That Bono Had A Sense Of Humour....

This taken from that weekly newsletter of pure fantasy, Holy Moly.

A MOLE'S friend has found that one of the major drawbacks in working at the bar of the Clarence Hotel in Dublin is the fact that one of the owners occasionally drops in for a free drink and a chat with his staff. An even bigger drawback is the fact that Bono is that owner, dragging his tiny little legs up onto the high barstools and holding court while his minions hang on his every word with glazed eyes.

He joined 'his staff' one night over Christmas and declared himself the life and soul of the party, as a lock-in was declared after work. He regaled them with tales of feeding the poor, meeting various Popes and what to look for in a pair of sunglasses.

As the beer flowed, he began to gently rib a particular barman, an unassuming and shy Australian fellow who did his best to be polite and smile along with the jokes. As the banter grew more frenzied, Bono appeared to be recreating the scene with the shy barman from 'Goodfellas', the good-natured goading replaced by straight insults and poor imitations of the barman's accent.

Eventually the barman responded. "I've always thought that U2 were crap anyway," he said quietly, and while it was hardly the wittiest put down on the planet it had the desired effect; the other staff roared with laughter at the shy boy plucking up courage. Bono, however, was less amused. He sat quietly for a few moments (earning the whispered nickname 'Clarence Mouse'), and studied the contents of his glass before getting up and leaving the room without another word.

Blog Plug ; Kanye West.

I don't get as much time as I would like to spend updating this blog, unfortunately. So where Kanye West get's the time to update his blog so often is beyond me!

West in 2008 probably has the biggest ego in Hip Hop (and that's saying something!) but he remains one of the most likeable and funny characters in music. Not to mention the fact that he's kicking the arses of his competition hands down!

His blog mostly contains pictures of expensive items that only someone with his money could afford but it's worth a look at for the picture of The Pussycat Dolls leading lady Nicole Scherzinger. The Mans eyesight ain't failing him, that's for sure!

www.kanyeuniversitycity.com/blog

Now THIS I Wouldn't Miss!

Oasis and Blur have reportedly been lined up to appear in a Britpop special of The Weakest Link.The show's bosses have contacted Noel Gallagher, Liam Gallagher, Damon Albarn and Alex James to appear in the episode of the gameshow, according to the Daily Star."If we can pull this off it would be unbelievable," commented a BBC source. "Noel [Gallagher] admits he’s a Weakest Link fan."Other stars that bosses want to have on the show include Pulp's Jarvis Cocker, Elastica's Justine Frischmann, Manic Street Preachers' James Dean Bradfield and Suede's Brett Anderson.

What's the betting that Liam Gallagher will be the first to get voted off?:-)

We're In CLONEE! Well, We Were Earlier:-)

Caroline & Irena in Raphael's Hair Salon Clonee.

Cara, Heather, Michelle & Rachel In Missus Tatty's Creche Clonee.

Aine, Carmel, Sonia & Niamh In Spar Clonee.

Man Bashing Jokes!

You need a hard neck to get by in this world if you are a man!

One day my housework challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' Everton' And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Rodger says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

He said, 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?' She said, 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart...'

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumour

A PRAYER.... Dear Lord,> I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN.

Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You're not holding the pillow down hard enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manuals'.

It's So True!

Thanks to Kate Carroll for this amusing little piece....

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when..

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14 You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Bugs In Santry!

Ian In The Swiss Cottage Off Licence.

Helen In Spar.

Aisling & Tina With Our Bugs.

S&M Couple Fired After Lie....

A man and a woman in Germany lost their jobs after pretending to be on a training course while taking an S&M sex holiday at their employer's expense. The pair who worked at a retirement home in Dortmund claimed they had been at a continuing education seminar in eastern Germany, for which their employer duly paid. But after a tip, the retirement home found out the middle-aged couple had actually taken a holiday apartment used by devotees of sado-masochistic sex near the Dutch border. The pair agreed to resign when it was found that the training course had never taken place…

There was the tip, and also they were covered in bruises.

Even More Pictures! Stillorgan, Rathfarnham And Ballyroan - You Have Been Bugged!!!

You Would, Wouldn't You?:-)

Aaron Massey Outside Costcutter, Taylor's Lane Rathfarnham.

Kayleigh And Friends In Jack And Jones, Charlemount.

Mad Fran In Rosemount Butchers, Rathfarnham.

Eileen In The All New Supervalu, Rathfarnham.

Andrea And Her Crew In Stillorgan.

Smile (or cringe) You're On My Blog!

William In Reids Furniture, Kylemore Road.

Tara In Reids Furniture, Kylemore Road.

Tracey In Carpet Right, Kylemore Road.

Tracey From Inghams.

Phil In Spar Blanchardstown Get's His Goodies - Claire Not Included!

Ita From Alpha1 Poses With Our Claire

Searching for bargains in Homebase. Is that a half price sign I see in the background......:-)

A Sssscary Story.....

If you have a fear of snakes well unfortunately this story will make you worse. From an email my other half sent me recently.....

I have a story for you & I swear this is true!!

Antoinette's friend Marie was telling her this about her sister in law that lives in Liverpool. They have no children so they decided to buy a python (weird I know!). Anyway, this python was allowed to roam around the house freely rather than being caged in a glass box.

After a couple of months the snake stopped eating & they couldn't figure out why because they were using the same food as always & tried changing what they were feeding it but it still wouldn't eat anything so they decided to bring it to the vet.

When they brought it to the vet he asked what they had been feeding it & they told him they had been feeding it birds & mice & all the other disgusting stuff that snakes eat so the vet started doing tests on the snake. He couldn't find anything pysically wrong with the snake & couldn't understand why it was starving itself.

In a final bid to find out what was going wrong he asked the woman had the snake been acting any differently over the weeks it had been starving itself & she told him that the only difference in it's behaviour was that it had started sleeping stretched out rather than in a coil like he used to. The vet was horrified & told the lady that he was very sorry but he'd have to put the snake down. The woman was distraught and asked what was wrong with the snake & why he'd have to put it down, he told her that the reason the snake had been sleeping stretched out was because it was sizing itself up to eat her and her husband!!!! It was stretching itself to their size so that after it choked them to death it could fit their whole bodies inside itself & that was why it had been starving itself so it wouldn't get too full while it was eating them.

I swear this is true, when Antoinette told me I couldn't believe it! Imagine they hadn't taken it to the vet - they'd be dead!!!

Daydreaming....

You know, I never bothered with the lotto. I couldn't be arsed chasing a 20 zillion to one chance of scooping the jackpot, I had better things to be doing. However, something changed last year after a visit to my local Audi dealer. The new Audi R8 had just arrived and I was instantly hooked upon seeing this beautiful but aggressive looking monster supercar. Ever since then I've been doing the lotto twice weekly so I can order an R8 for myself!

Problem is though even if I win (and of course I won't) there is a 2 year waiting list for one!

Back I go into daydream mode........:-(